Pull Up Your Big Girl Panties & Get Over It!
We have all had that moment (or if you're like me, moments) when you find yourself constantly taking deep breaths while you are stuck and sinking in quicksand. Do you know what I'm talking about? If you don't, then you're full of it and you are lying to yourself! Life gets overwhelming, Extremely overwhelming sometimes, and we all handle anxiety, stress, and adversity differently. No matter what the situation is, there is always only one way to go and that is through the thick of it and that is most definitely easier said than done. So, you gotta pull up your big girl panties and get over it! I've been through some pretty crappy situations and there has been one mindset that helps me get through the storm. It's that phrase, "Pull up your big girl panties and get over it."
You might ask, 'Well, what is it?' It is what is holding you back from being your best you. As humans, we tend to dote on things, hold grudges, and play the 'what if' game. We hold ourselves back from being successful; it's our own fault. From experience, I can tell you it's all a mindset. You have to strengthen your mind and will to get the motivation to change your mindset.
Years ago I went through a pretty difficult divorce, but what divorce is easy right? I was married to a narcissist and I was young, wanting to please, and didn't know any better. I had friends surrounding my naïve little self gently hinting that something wasn't right and in the end, they knew more than I did even though it was right in my face. Sparing the details, I was left to pick up the shattered pieces that surrounded me and my three kiddos. I was devastated. I will never forget the nail in the coffin when the truth finally slapped me in the face. I distinctly remember being in my kitchen, holding onto the counter, and calling my mom. The next thing I remember I was sobbing on the floor in a ball hearing my mom rush in saying, "Oh my god" and giving me a comforting hug that only a mom can give. I was crushed. My life was taken away from me at that moment because I had absolutely no control over what was being done or what was happening. Therein lies the silver lining, we may not be able to control what is happening to us or around us, but we control ourselves. Only you can control your mindset.
Now, I'm not saying that I pulled my big girl panties on that day. It took a good long while for me to gain the strength back that was taken from me ten years prior. There were plenty of nights I laid on my bathroom floor after getting the kids to bed, looking for shapes in the ceiling while crying uncontrollably, not able to pick myself up. It just happened one day. My mindset shifted, but it wasn't a gradual shift. It was in my face, screw this, he doesn't control me anymore, I'm going to get my kids through this shift. I picked myself off the floor, yanked those big girl panties on and I started strutting my stuff. I was working as a para in a school not even making $20K a year. I had to figure out a way to support myself and my three kids, so what did I do? What any mother on the warpath would do. I went back to school full-time to get my English degree and teaching certification while working 3 jobs. I was working at the school, selling Scentsy on the side, and coaching competitive club volleyball, all while going to school full-time. I got off my butt and I did it.
Although the realization happened fast, making that complete mindset shift was hard. Think of it this way, however many years it took you to get those bad habits of thinking negatively, having low self-confidence, getting used to verbal abuse, and being put down, it's going to take that amount of time if not more to completely shift the opposite way. You truly have to be conscious of yourself and prioritize yourself, which for some of us is hard to do. I never put myself first before the divorce. Once I was on my own I realized I truly had to take care of myself first so I could, in turn, take care of my kids. It was almost an out-of-body experience because I had to look at myself and realize who I really was again. What I like, what I don't like, my beliefs and opinions, etc. In order to stand on your own two feet again, you have to realize how strong you are capable of being. That, just knowing how strong you are capable of being, is a powerful thing.
The most powerful lesson I learned and still adhere to today is the power of no. I do not have to do something unless I want to. If I morally do not agree with something, if it goes against my family values, guess what? I can say so and be done with it. I don't have to answer the phone when someone is calling to argue. I don't have to put up with passive-aggressive comments. I can choose to not have that be a part of my life. It took a bit to learn this lesson, but once I did, life-changing!!!! Highly suggest it!
The next most powerful lesson I learned was to just get over it. Seriously. Sounds easy right? Well, we know it's not. It's human nature to be annoyed with stupid people and stupid little things. We let those stupid people and stupid little things annoy us. If we just get over all the stupidness, imagine how much time we'd free up on a day-to-day basis! The best advice I ever received while seeing my counselor through the divorce was this. "If you have honestly tried to communicate with someone, and gone out of your way, and that person is still having a negative impact, then it's okay to let go of that person." BOOM. MIC DROP. This was earth-shattering to my ears. She was right. Why am I surrounding myself with negativity? It's my choice who I let in, it's also my choice who I let out. That's also where the mindset comes in. It's not about intentionally hurting those around you, it's respecting yourself enough to know who and what is a healthy life addition and influence. Of course, we are all going to have to endure being around certain negative people, like at work. I'm talking on a day-to-day personal level: Friends, boyfriends, family, spouse, people who are in your inner circle.
The sooner you shift your mindset to a strong, positive one, and you learn how to get over things faster, you will be in a much happier place. Is my day-to-day peaches and roses? HA! That's a good one. I'm still a work in progress as we all are. No one is ever perfectly done. You don't get to a certain age and hear trumpets and have confetti thrown because these mindsets were just gifted automatically. There are days that I plow through and there are still some days where I'm still working on it. My hope is for you to know that I've gone through some stuff and gotten through it stronger than ever so I know you can too. It doesn't have to be a life-changing event, it can be depression, resentment, anger, or anything you feel has a negative impact on your life. Distance yourself from negativity. Try to have those out-of-body moments and think, "Is this causing a positive impact on myself? or is this causing me unneeded and unwanted anxiety, stress, and trauma?"
When shit hits the fan, you do what you gotta do and if you've been through it, you can relate. Looking back on it, I don't know how the hell I physically did all of it. I can tell you one thing though, I have an amazing support system behind me. My family and friends came through for me like a blazing torch in the night. On the days when I felt my new mindset slipping, they grabbed my hand and yanked me along while I was pulling up those big girl panties. Lovingly of course.=) You need that support with you through your shift. You really are starting fresh and getting rid of old habits so you need people who will hold you accountable. Make sure you have someone, if you don't then I'll be your someone.
After all these shifts and changes, my life has improved so much. I was able to see the love of my life when he was in front of me, I was able to make myself mentally stronger and it's gotten me so far! If I can make the mindset shift, I know you can too. Let me know if you have any questions or if you want to share your experience, I'm here!