How To Find Your Perfect Match
Finding a connection with someone is one of the most basic instincts we have as human beings. When I think of this topic I often find myself thinking about a National Geographic show with the low deep male voice-over. "The female and male are lonely and desperate to find their soulmate who they will spend the rest of their life -- wait, notice the male trying to catch the females attention?" Seriously! It is so ingrained in us to find someone to fill that lonely void, we don't even realize that's what drives our intentions sometimes! Think about all the online dating websites, apps, and human interactions that are out there whose sole purpose is to help us find the one. Some of the best-selling books and movies are romance and romantic comedies. We like that hope that someone is out there in this crazy world who gets us unconditionally. There are a lot of nay-sayers out there who are perfectly fine staying at home with their cat who "don't need anybody but themselves." That's fine, but on some level, everyone needs someone else and honestly, if you have not experienced love, loss, and falling...well you haven't lived.
My life is nothing extraordinary. I'm like anyone else, just trying to do the best I can to get through the day without yelling at people. Just kidding, but seriously, nothing about my life is glamorous and magical.
I was with someone for ten years. That's a long time, especially when you're young. Man was I young and wanting to please! Ugh. Three kids later the realization hit me once I turned 30 that I most definitely was not happy with the way I was being talked to and treated by those around me. A change had to be made. Little did I know that change was made for me before I could do anything about it! Going through the absolute hardest, most heart-wrenching, time of my life was the best thing that ever happened to me. I learned a lot about myself, I became strong on my own two feet, and I did it. I found the one. Well, he more or less dropped in my lap.
My best friend, (love you Jackie!) signed me up for match.com. At the time I didn't want to deal with any other stupid dating scenarios. Once I got over it, I started scrolling through the app one lonely night by myself cause what did I have to lose right? I came across a profile of a guy who had some goofy pictures. I read his profile and decided to send the email. At this point, I was completely and utterly honest. I adjusted my profile to resemble my most honest, forthcoming self. I was sick of games. I was sick of lying. I didn't want to just party around in the dating pool. I wanted someone who would love me for me. It wasn't just me I had to think about, I also had to think about my kiddos. So, I was honest about that too. If someone didn't like kids or wasn't ready to have kids then they weren't for me.
I was at a phase where I came to terms with this online stuff that I wasn't going to get my feelings hurt if someone wrote me back, I wasn't going to get all doom and gloom and have a pity party. I wrote the initial email and then I just let it go. Was I excited when I got a response? Hell yeah! It made me feel special! We emailed back and forth for about a week until we decided to exchange numbers so we could only text. Well, a week later after texting non-stop we decided to have our first phone call. I was so nervous, I mean I was super comfortable but anxious. Five hours later we decided we had to hang up and go to sleep. Yes, five hours later. The next night was four hours, the next night after that was six. We talked about everything and nothing at all. Our time was filled with us talking and laughing though. There was never a long pause in the conversation and I had never spoken with anyone so honestly and for so long never running out of things to say. Two weeks went by and we both wanted to meet each other in person. We talked over wine, we danced in the moonlight, and when it was time to depart that night we had our first kiss.
This picture was taken eight months after we started dating. I can honestly say it was love at first sight. We were completely perfect for each other. I don't know how to explain it and neither does he. We smile to this day when we reminisce about it. We knew there would be no one else for either of us. We didn't know what to do next we were so giddy and in love. Did we say 'I love you" right away? No. When we recount our experience though, we both know that's what it was and would not change a thing. We took it very slow not wanting to mess anything up between us or with the kids. We were very mindful of everyone's feelings that were involved. He was more patient than I was, and looking back I am super grateful for that. Two years later we were engaged, and two years after that we were married.
We know this is not a common story and we both don't take our story or each other for granted. We know we are super fortunate. We've both had a rough history and know not to take each other and what we have for granted. He had been in a relationship with someone for seven years before me and although never married, went through some of the same hardships if not more than I had. It got me thinking, maybe what we think is the end is only really the beginning. If I would have sat around and not done anything after my divorce, I would have never paid attention to the light falling through the open door. If I would have been so blinded by just trying to fill a void, I would have never found my perfect match because I wouldn't have shown such honesty. We both admitted to each other after we had been married for a bit that we went into online dating completely and utterly honest, not hiding flaws, not holding back what we wanted out of a life partner. We didn't give up on life. We didn't give up on the possibility of love.
We both come from families who have parents and grandparents who have had 50 plus year marriages. We both felt like complete failures when our long-term relationships did not work out. I was so extremely upset that I was a statistic after my divorce. But if we hadn't gone through the worst situations in our lives, we would have never met. We had 45 minutes of travel time between each other, so we did not get to see each other during the week for quite some time. There was a lot of FaceTime, phone conversations, and texting involved in the beginning. Our first date was straight out of a romantic comedy. We have such an amazing story.
If you're going through a hard time, don't give up. My marriage is proof that there is always the possibility of something better right around the corner. Keep in mind though that you won't be able to see what's ahead of you if you are constantly looking down or behind you. Do that and you will never see what amazingly wonderful possibilities lie ahead. Just because your life is not going to plan doesn't mean it is ending. What you think is an ending could be the beginning of a life you never even thought you could possibly deserve!